Big Me: I'm Santana Rosa Maricela Ortiz-Lopez, I'm 19 and I live and love in New York City. I'm sometimes 3, and i'm called Little Sanny and Snix.

Disclaimer: My character suffers from a sort of DID/MPD. My portrayal may not always be 100% accurate. Please do not take offense, this is an rp and i am using creative license. I am stll trying to be true so any helpful tips would be amazing.

Healing Pt.1 || Santana Lopez

  • Tagging: Santana, Maribel, Javier, Alters, Others
  • When: 8/11-12
  • Location: Lima, Ohio
  • Summary: Part 1 of 2, Santana starts to take the steps she needs to heal. As Javier talks to his sister-in-laws and warns them about his brothers.
  • Warnings: Mentions of abuse/rape, Domestic, Mental Illness, DID/MPD

Santana was starting to remember everything now, everything that happened to her and she couldn’t stop the images. She had always admired her uncles a lot, growing up she wanted to be just like them. When they watched her, they told her she was to young but when  she got older they would help. So when she neared her six birthday, they offered to watch her a lot more often. They would make her watch dirty movies and touch them and even forced her mouth between their legs. The images and memories caused her to have breakdowns, four the last six days. She cried herself to sleep since she arrived and she could feel her alters wanting to push free.

Santana’s stomach was in knots, she felt sick and alone. Juan was in her head and whispering things, the others were in the background causing a lot of trouble. “They don’t want you now, they locked you away. They stuck you in here so they could be alone, so they can have a family without you. They want to cut you out of everything, because they know how worthless you are.” She wasn’t sure when she started to scream or cry, but she was curled up into a ball. She reached out blindly for her pillow clinging on and sobbing against it.

The memories of her uncles were to much, everything was to much. Not only was she battling her own feelings but Snix and Rosa were going through things too. Santana counted her blessings that Sanny was to young for Juan, but better safe than sorry. “Santana,” She held the pillow tight in her arms, trying to gather her thoughts. ”You need to calm down and let her go,” She was confused until she finally realized that pillows don’t struggle. ”Let her go,” she did and the nurse stumbled away to catch her breath.

"S-sorry, i’m s-sorry."

"Stand up, its time for you to get cleaned up. You know the rules, shower after you leave isolation. So we can do this the easy way or the hard way." Santana clutched onto the pillow and slowly sat up. "Its okay, nice and easy."

"Greta?"

"Yes, come on." Greta was one of her parents friends, when she was younger she grew up around the hospital; before Abuelita offered to take her. "I got you and after your shower we can call your mom and dad and have them come check on you. Hows that sound?" She nodded her head and leaned against Greta as she walked her to the showers.

After she was cleaned she was brought to her room to relax, waiting for her parents to come see her. Maribel was the first to show up, sitting down next to her and wrapping her into a hug. “You can do this, i know you’re having a hard time but you can beat this. Whatever Juan is saying to you, don’t listen to him. He doesn’t want you to get stronger because he knows you’re trying to lock him away.”

"I miss them, i miss them so much. I’m so alone and it hurts so bad, it hurt mami." She sobbed into her mothers arms as the older woman rubbed her back. "I hurt her, i hurt all of them, i’m worthless and they would do better without me…"

"No, they love you very much. They want you to get better, they want you to be with them." She placed a kiss on her cheek, "I know i’m not like most mothers in this town, i was never the stay at home type but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Your papi and I worked so much because we wanted you to have what we didn’t. We trusted our families to take care of you and they failed you as much as we did and I’m sorry."

"I know mom…" Santana sighed and leaned against Maribel and wiped her tears.

"Maribel," She quickly wiped her eyes and turned to see Javier, "Your being paged," Nodding she gave Santana another kiss before cleaning herself up and saying her goodbyes. Javier sat at the end of the bed and took a breath, "Having a hard day, bebé?"

"Yes," Santana could see the stress and the pain in her own dads face, he was looking horrible. "I’m going to be a bit forward, but you look like shit papi." He chuckled at her forwardness and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Well I’ve had a lot to deal with these last couple weeks."

"Have you talked to Abuelita yet?"

"No," Javier had jumped into work as soon as he got back, trying to keep his mind off of everything. "I can’t look at her right now without exploding."

"In a way she was kind of protecting me, when she found out she kept me away from them… when she could."

"Don’t defend her, what she did to you was just as bad. My brothers are out there doing god knows what and she had a chance to stop them." Javier placed a kiss on her cheek, "I called your Tía’s and told them about Juan and José, they had no idea. I’m meeting with them for lunch." Javier cupped her face, "You just keep fighting, don’t give up, you’ve always been my strong girl."

"I love you, Papi. Keep your cool, okay?"

"I’ll try."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Javier took the rest of the day off to go meet with his sister-in-laws, he had to make sure that they were okay. Janelle and Maritza were beautiful woman and Juan and José were attracted to them right away. Janelle had two girls; 13, 10 and 4 and Maritza had three girls; 12, 10, 8. They were in the range and he had to make sure they were okay. “Javier,” He looked up to see Janelle and Maritza coming towards them, he gave them a hug and sat back down at the table. “You look like caca, concuñado.”

"I’m at the breaking point, i needed to follow up. I’m worried about your girls and- they are around the same ages when it happened to Santana. She told me it started around six, i don’t know if they would do it to their own kids but-" Javier closed his eyes and took a breath, "You know how much of a sleazeball they can be."

"Juan isn’t allowed around the kids, I have custody of them now. Juan isn’t a fit father and he only gets supervised visits, he’s not allowed to touch them unless he asks first." Janelle smiled and gave his hand a squeeze, "Juan is an abusive womanizer and he already has a new girlfriend. I suggest you don’t confront him about any of this, he’s a loose canon."

Maritza was already sporting herself a nice black eyes and a busted lip, which Javier noticed right away. “You putting ice on that?” She had practically been beaten into submission and she looked around nervously.

"Yes. Javier I shouldn’t be here, you know how José gets. Plus, he doesn’t watch the kids, they go to my mothers when i’m at work. He doesn’t pay them any attention, he barely speaks to them. Tell me Javier, how did you become the man you are with a family like yours?"

"I got lucky," He reached over and took Maritza’s hand. "You can leave him, stay with us at the house. Bring the kids, you’d be safe there. I live in a neighborhood of cops, you’d be safe."

"I’m okay, i just-"

"Mari, I got out and so can you. You live in a house with a child molester, your kids are not safe. He could be hurting them at night," Janelle’s hand went to her chest, "We have to take our kids to the clinic and get them checked out. We have to make sure they are safe, and you have to protect yourself too."

"Maribel has extended the invitation for you to bring the kids. I’ll even go with you to get your things, I’ll call Ben and have him come to protect you." She nodded her head and Janelle smiled and wrapped her arms around her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Santana was afraid to go into her mind, but she knew she had to start talking with the others. They had to be strong and go against Juan and get him out or locked away. Santana felt a bit uneasy with her new therapist, but she had no choice. Donna was all the way in New York and she wasn’t coming, but she did call her often. “Are you ready to take the first step?”

"Yes, i guess so."

"You can do this," Santana nodded and took another deep breath, closing her eyes and let herself drift away. As she got closer to inner world, she could hear some kind of commotion and sighed, seems like Sanny was making a big stink about not seeing her family.

"I wants to see mami, I wants to see hers nows!" Santana walked over to her, they were all settled in the center. Snix was trying to calm her down but she wouldn’t listen. Sanny saw Santana and ran over to her and stomped, "I want to see mami, i wants tos sees hers now!" Santana ran her fingers through her hair.

"You can’t right now, Sanny. You have to stay here and-"

"NO!" and Sanny made a break for the way out, Snix was quickly on her heels and grabbed hold of her. "Lets me go, lets me go nows!"

"Kid, come on and listen to what Santana has to say first." Sanny stopped fighting and rolled her eyes before going limp and letting Snix take her over to the center. She kept Sanny on her lap and nodded towards Santana.

"I just want you guys to help me fight Juan, we all need to go against him. We have to lock him away and keep us safe so we can get better."

"He’s to scary," Preston was petrified, looking all around as if Juan could pop out of nowhere. The little ones were to scared, but all the help would be the best. "I don’t want to fight him."

"No," Rosa whimpered and curled up against Kendall. "He’s a bad man, very bad man."

"Snix, i need you to help me."

"I know, we can try. You kids will stay hidden and Kendall will watch over you."

"No, we need everyone to stand up to him. It won’t work if its just us, we have to lock him away." Santana held her head and sighed, she hated this, she hated the way this made her feel. "I’m going to go back, hide them, keep them quiet- please." Dragging her feet back she headed back out.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Santana worked hard to strengthen her mental state, talking about what was bothering her and allowing Snix out to work on her own problems too. Snix was a bit less forth coming, closed off, she wasn’t herself anymore. The first time she lost her temper she broke an orderly’s nose, the second time she beat the hell out of another patient. When Snix was out she was segregated from everyone else.

Santana was sitting in the common area, talking with another girl and just having a really good day. Good days weren’t often so it was nice, until she saw him. “No,” Tío Juan was sweeping the floor across the room, the very uncle she was afraid to see. Her body went stiff, eyes wide and her breath became labored. “No.” Shaking, she got up and stumbled backward. “No, no no no no no.” Tears started building up and soon she was sliding down a wall and curling up against her knees.

"Santana, santana…" A nurse walked over and carefully made her way closer. "It’s okay, do you want me to call your dad?" She nodded frantically, she pointed to her uncle and the woman looked confused. "Its okay, he’s not going to hurt you."

"Already did, tío…" The woman’s eyes went wide and she waved another nurse over, a male nurse.

"Call Javier and have him come and tell Juan to move to a new room." He nodded and walked over to Juan and told him to head off to a new room, the man looked confused until he looked over and saw Santana. He smirked and nodded his head and gave her a wink before heading off. "It’s okay, he’s gone." Santana wasn’t okay, she was crying and sobbing and shaking. "Easy, breath, easy." But it was to late and she was curled up and shaking.

"Can’t be here, can’t- he’ll come for me, he’ll come for me!" She screamed and got up, running towards her room. The voices were getting louder and louder, everyone was panicking and Juan inside her head was laughing. "Stop laughing at me, stop laughing!"Santana freaked out and just dropped, her body shutting down completely. She slumped against the bed and just stared off into space.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The inner world was thrown into chaos, a thunderstorm was appearing in the center of the world. All the alters were a bit freaked out, Sanny and Rosa were crying, Preston was freaking out and Kendall was taking cover from the water. Snix was trying to gather all the kids together and keep them safe as the storm raged on. “Snix knew what was going on, she saw it before when Sanny was ‘Born’- someone new was coming…